"I'm sorry that..... you are not the baby of the family anymore. You are the eldest of the three and people always throw you questions like "Do you take care of Didi and Meimei?", "Do you help your Mama?", "Are you a good big sister?" that even I feel it - that extra burden and sense of responsibility that you bear as an eight-year-old.
Sometimes, you come up and ask me for a cuddle just because you want to be close to me, you want me to call you by the nickname I used when you were young instead of calling you "Jiejie", and you even say you just want to be my baby always - and my heart aches again. You are, my dear, you are and will forever be."
I was an emotional wreck last night and penned this heartfelt letter to my big girl. It's been a trying period for us and I can only tell myself to try to be a better mum for her. My feelings were all over the place as I wrote this and even though I can't quite pinpoint if it is a good or bad thing, I think it's important for me to feel all of it. To let in all the hurt, the joy, the sorrow, the disappointment, the regret, the fear, the agony, the elation, the anxiety, and then tell myself to concentrate on the one most important thing - the hope. The hope for a better tomorrow, a better future, a better me.
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